Uh oh…I can already see the little gerbil wheel inside your brain turning, turning, turning…
“Across the Bow text? What the heck is that?”
I thought you’d never ask. 🙂
If you’re not familiar with the Text Your Ex Back program by Michael Fiore, then you probably have no idea what an across the bow text is, how it works, or what it’s used for. But that’s ok. Because I’m going to tell you right now.
What we’re talking about today is getting your ex back after a breakup. More specifically, I’m talking about how to use text messages to get your ex back and fix your relationship.
What Is An Across The Bow Text?
These are the first texts you’ll send your ex after you’ve done a few other things like figured out what went wrong in your relationship, established a period of no contact, etc. They are your first opportunity to “get in touch”, so it’s important to do them correctly.
Inside Text Your Ex Back, Michael Fiore describes across the bow texts like this:
This is your first contact with your ex in a while, and it’s going to set the tone for the conversation to come. (That’s not to say that you can’t recover if you miff the first few texts, but it’s way better to get them right.) The first few texts are different than the rest. . . they have a specific purpose, and you need to keep it clear in your mind.
So listen up: the goal of the first text is simply to G.E.A.R. up for the conversation to come. (Aww! It’s my first acronym of the program– ain’t it cute?) G.E.A.R stands for GENTLY ESTABLISH AFFIRMATIVE RAPPORT.
(More from Michael at www.michaelfiore.org)
G (Gently) – an across the bow text should make it super easy for your ex to respond positively. Don’t make them do any intellectual or emotional work.
E (Establish) – an across the bow text lays the foundation for future texts. It’s simply a “baby step” and should not be used to set up a time to meet your ex or to start a conversation about your relationship.
A (Affirmative) – across the bow texts should always be positive to help redirect potentially negative energy.
R (Rapport) – across the bow texts should inspire conversation and give your ex a way to respond without being pushy.
Michael goes on to say:
Put it all together, and you get the BIG IDEA behind Across the Bow texts: to create a subtle framework where your ex comes to the conclusion seemingly on his or her own that you should continue the dialogue, first over text, then in person, and then in bed. (Whoops! Did I say that?)
Across The Bow Text Examples
Inside Text Your Ex Back, Michael Fiore provides a couple different formulas for creating Across The Bow texts. Let’s look at one right now that uses common interests between you and your ex in a positive way.
For example, if you’re both basketball fans and love Lebron James, an across the bow text might take the form of:
“Just watched the Cavs game and couldn’t help thinking about you. I bet you’re excited at Lebron dropping 40! Hope you’re doing awesome.”
Or, if you love to hike:
“Just got back from Cannon Falls. Still love that place. Reminded me of that trip we took there last summer. That was so fun! Made me smile thinking about it!”
Do you see how these give your ex a subtle compliment and allow your ex to open the conversation if they want to, but aren’t pushy in any way? For example, you aren’t saying, “Just got back from Cannon Falls. Let’s go back there next weekend together.”
A good across the bow text isn’t demanding. It doesn’t pressure your ex to respond. It simply sets the stage to ramp up the conversation little by little in a positive way when your ex is ready.
Simple, but super effective!